Following are four letters on matters of the heart. May you find inspiration for yourself in the answers.
(The anonymity and identifying information are change to protect confidentiality.)
Dear Dr. Sharon,
"I am so lonely, yet I seem to be in such a rut. I see so many divorced women like me who do the same things every week: work, children and perhaps a movie as the grand finale every week. There are so many single women, how can I believe that there is a man for me and what can I do to get out of this rut?" Sandra
Dear Sandra,
Intuitively, I feel that you are very close to meeting someone. You do a lot for others and I feel the only item left to master is to become more balanced with giving and receiving. It will make your vibration softer and more receptive. Right now your energy feels more like one of a martyr than a lively romantic woman about ready to meet her mate.
Re: your fear of whether there is a man for you. First of all, the very fact that you desire a man for the fabulous human experience of love IS the evidence that there is a man for you. When a desire comes from "God" territory, the soul, it is not a frivolous wish to be granted or not granted from an outside source. You create your life through your soul desires to have the wonderful experience of love and you signal your readiness by being full of anticipation and love for yourself.
Rev up your magnetizing power by being positive about your worth, expectant and grateful for all the fun and loving experiences awaiting you.
Take risks! Go to gatherings of interest to you …alone or with a friend but circulate. . Listen attentively to your intuition about where to go. I picture romance angels guiding me to the right spot since this is such an important mission certainly not left up to chance.
Oh, and don't forget to put the turtlenecks away. A recent t.v. show coaching singles to meet others showed how styles revealing your neck and collarbone area signals to men that you are able to be vulnerable. Keep the arms unfolded as well.
Dear Dr. Sharon,
I find myself feeling envious when I see other people having lots of invitations for lunch or weekend gatherings and somehow I am passed over. What is their secret?"
Lately, I seem to repel people away from me and end up feeling even more needy for approval and recognition than when I started the week. Wallflower Wendy
Dear Wendy,
Intuitively, I feel that you are an extremely loving person who just got off track. You just need a little tweaking! You have a lot of love to give another person and I am so glad to remind you to start with yourself.
It doesn't seem fair, but the needier we are the more we repel others. It is a very simple solution. Shift your need for other people's attention to self nurturing.. The more we feel needy and try to force something to happen we usually set up a resistance field. Your magnetizing energy has temporarily flipped to REPEL mode. Other people's intuitive systems have picked up your "over" neediness and the healthy ones are choosing not to respond.
To jumpstart the self nurturing, think about how you encourage a child.. Nurturing remarks throughout the day such as how kind, intelligent, special, beautiful handsome or talented you are is exactly the diet to feed yourself. You are just temporarily dried up.
Also I don't feel you are expressing yourself in enough creative ways. You have a great way of being a hostess with the mostest. How about volunteering at a one time event as a greeter or handing out tickets? A sister of a friend recently did that at the Golden Globe awards! Whenever I am feeling low, I often realized that I have stopped doing my intuitive groups or speaking engagements which fuel me.
A blunt but good question to ask ourselves is, " Well, why in the world would someone invite me to a gathering? When you have a great relationship with yourself and a way to feel sourced inside and out, you don't have to lift a finger to get invitations. People who organize events always think of the fun loving spirits that will keep the mood upbeat. They would almost pay you for to attend!
Believe in yourself, You are a gift like no other.
Dear Dr. Sharon,
I am going through divorce. As a man, I feel that I was taken advantage of by this woman who in retrospect seems to have sought me out for my money. She had no security prior to meeting me. I literally rescued her from a very bleak situation. Thank goodness we have no children between us. Even though I have made peace with giving over money to her as my price to pay for my impetuousness in our fast courtship and marriage, I can't seem to open my heart to starting over again. And yet, I am the "marrying kind". I love companionship and a fellow adventurer not to mention the physical intimacy. What do you think I need to do about my emotional libido being so low? Its better now, but not a day goes by that I don't somehow kick myself for having been so blind in this relationship. John
Dear John,
I coach a lot of men in relationship areas. Men love facts and and here are a few that might help.
Its partially about body chemistry. You possibly have a high testosterone level and that can spell trouble in ways you may not understand. (Look down: If your ring finger is longer than your index finger, it indicates a high testosterone level.) In love, you are not exactly blind but your vision can be blurred. A recent British study showed that men who were sexually stimulated by pictures of pretty women (as opposed to the poor subjects who only had landscape pictures to view) were more likely to accept an unfair business offer. Their discernment was thrown off.
When you are in a new relationship and feel "in love" the part of your brain associated with social assessment is more dormant. Your response to your inner negative feelings is dulled. It can spell disaster for your ability to slow down and commit slowly over time. I also see that you are a typical male "rescuer" of the damsel in distress. That has its good qualities, however, remember that you need to be loved for who you are, not for how you help a woman.
A few other facts: Studies have also shown that serotonin levels decrease by up to 40 % in the newly " in- love", causing some to show signs of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which is why you can't get the other person out of your head. Your dopamine level, the neurotransmitter associated with addictive behavior increases very similarly to a gambler expecting to win the jackpot, only in this case to win your wife so you could feel a relief and stabilization of your chemistry. It follows that when your relationship ends, you experience symptoms similar to an addict's withdrawal. Your dopamine levels go down, so you feel depressed.
In short, people have to be in charge of their body chemistry when they meet a new person and when they break up. I hope that I don't sound too "clinical" about your situation. It is simply a matter of watching that romantic nature of yours and the rescuer role you often play. The good news is that from here on out, you will have sharpened your sixth sense and not let yourself override that "first hit, best hit" intuition of yours.
Dear Dr. Sharon,
How can I not hold anger toward my "ex". I feel that it is unattractive to my new relationship. My whole mood changes when I have to encounter her which is often because of teenage children. I also feel that I have not really closed the chapter of my last marriage in a good enough way to begin another and I don't want to mess this one up. Can you help? Sam
Dear Sam,
My response is to choose love as your response to this situation. This may seem like a tall and perhaps inappropriate order. There are times when anger is the right initial response. Yet over time, anger and fear creates great stress on the heart while calm loving thoughts create heart resonance. Attempt to see the situation "through angel, God or "wise eyes". See the challenges with your ex-wife as necessary for growth. Marvel at the new responses you were able to develop. As you increase your coping abilities, you sunk your roots more deeply into the soil of life and now you can send out even stronger limbs into the skies.
When you burn with resentment or anger at her, its impossible to feel happy. When you incrementally move towards more loving wise responses, you feel better. That's because you are in harmony with your true spiritual self which is all loving.
When I tune into your soul, I hear that you would not want to be without the valuable lesson you have learned. I also feel that out of your learning, you have drawn to you a great new relationship. She is a winner as are you. I hope you celebrate what you have created for yourself this Valentine's Day.
A final quote:
"The mystery of life is that you can only truly know yourself through love of others, and you can only truly know others through love of self.. A good question to ask is What can I do for myself that will bring the greatest good to others? And What can I do for others that will bring the greatest good for myself?" (www.lovewithoutend.com)
Have a blessed Valentine's Day.
